NC Senator – NCRSOL https://ncrsol.org Fighting for registered citizens and families Wed, 16 Dec 2020 20:40:19 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://ncrsol.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/cropped-cropped-NCFlag2-32x32.jpg NC Senator – NCRSOL https://ncrsol.org 32 32 165103099 Be Bold! https://ncrsol.org/2020/12/be-bold/ https://ncrsol.org/2020/12/be-bold/#comments Wed, 16 Dec 2020 20:40:19 +0000 https://ncrsol.org/?p=4204 Written by Phoebe . . . 

I occasionally write articles about things that are hitting me at the moment.  I found that as I made my daily commute to work, so many things would enter my mind.  I would literally hold my phone, hit the record button, and just talk out my thoughts.  These thoughts eventually became an article.  This was so therapeutic to me.  2020 is a year unlike any other.  I am no longer making my commute and have spent more time inside my house in the last ten months than I have in the last 15 years!

Does that mean the things of the world aren’t bothering me?  No.  Does that mean I am any less annoyed with the absurd laws and treatment of people on the registry?  Heck-to-the-NO!  Does that mean I have no complaints about the registry?  Absolutely not.  I have no idea why my thoughts aren’t stirring me up, getting me fired up to write and convince you to talk actions.  I have turned off the television far more than I used to.  I am sick to death of the news – and I’m pretty sure they are highly responsible for the reasons I get so wound up.  I just needed a break.

But as I sit here today thinking about the break I “needed,” I realize I can’t really afford to take that break.  If we stop pushing for positive change, if we all stop to take breaks, the lawmakers will continue making unconstitutional laws.  Those decisions usually have far more serious impacts than our lawmakers realize at the time they are clicking in their Yes /No votes before moving on to the next issue so they can close out their legislative session quickly.

Let’s be clear.  Supporting changes to the laws to help registrants and their families is NOT a popular campaign strategy.  It takes BOLDNESS to do what’s right rather than what gets you votes.  It takes BOLDNESS to slow down and learn the impacts of the registry.  It takes BOLDNESS to talk to colleagues and fellow lawmakers about taboo topics. It takes BOLDNESS to make common sense laws rather than quick-attention-getting laws.

What can you do right now, even a state of blah-ness like I am at the moment?  At a time when your motivation has waned?  At a time when you feel like all you can do is sit at home and wish 2020 away?  I’m starting my list….

1. Find the names of your Senator and House of Representative.
Email them – frequently.
Tell them stories.  Tell them what it is like to be on the Registry or a family member of the Registry.  Tell them your constitutional rights are impacted.  Tell them how this is double punishment (after serving time, after probation, and still on the registry).  Tell them the length of time on the registry.  Trust me – most have NO idea of these things.
2.  Join NCRSOL.  Read the newsletter.  Read the articles.
3.  Find 1 friend or family member to join NCRSOL and start reading the articles.  This isn’t just about membership drive – it’s about educating people with real-life examples of how the laws impact us.  We need people to stay current with the laws and the temperament of our legislators.
4.  Be bold!  Report situations to NCRSOL if you are being treated unfairly by employees, law enforcement, law makers, educators, etc.  We need to know about situations that are happening with people if they seem outside the boundaries of enforcement.  We need evidence of these situations.

You may be a registrant, but you are also a person.  You deserve fair treatment.  I will always, always, always say that if you are guilty of your charges, you must first focus on rehabilitation.  You CANNOT REOFFEND.  Period.  Make sure you’re working through treatment programs and dealing with that first.  Reoffending is the very issue any person in our society will latch on to.  If even ONE person is a recidivist (reoffender), then the assumption is that the thousands of registrants must be also.  That’s simply not the case.  Our lawmakers don’t know the statistics.  The public doesn’t know the statistics.  The media doesn’t know the statistics.  We do, and the recidivism rate is extremely low.  But it’s all about PERCEPTION.  The one reoffender WILL be published on the news and papers.  It will blow up into a big stink.  It will hurt every registrant and every family member by sheer perception of guilt.  So there’s my sermon, people.  DO. NOT. REOFFEND. EVER.

We must change the misconceptions about offenders.  We must educate people.  We must work towards fair treatment and reintegration into society.  The few volunteer leaders of NCRSOL cannot do it alone.  We need YOU.  We have seen so much growth in this organization in just a few years, but we can’t know what’s happening if you don’t share your stories with us.

Be the change you wish to see in the world. Be a Change Agent.  BE BOLD.
– Phoebe

 

]]> https://ncrsol.org/2020/12/be-bold/feed/ 4 4204 Side effects of the registry https://ncrsol.org/2019/09/side-effects-of-the-registry/ https://ncrsol.org/2019/09/side-effects-of-the-registry/#comments Sat, 21 Sep 2019 18:13:06 +0000 https://ncrsol.org/?p=3500 Written by Phoebe . . .

I am a wife.  I am a mother.  I work a full-time job as well as side jobs to generate income.  I am a volunteer with a non-profit and in my church.  I am an advocate for reforming laws.  And – I am a built-in Uber for my child who has to be a million different places, seemingly at the same time.  What is it like to be a family member of someone on the registry?  At times, very lonely.  At times, full of guilt.  Guilt that you can do all the things you want and need to do, but your family member can’t due to the restrictions.  What’s it like?  It stinks.  I have no other fancy words to explain it.  Simply being assigned to the registry is not necessarily the most difficult part.  My experience over the years is that the side effects which come with the registry are also quite challenging.

Every time the doorbell rings or there’s a knock at my door, I experience a moment of panic.  It is the assumption that the sheriff is at my door.  And if they are, it’s okay because we are not doing anything wrong.  They come by to verify our address about every other month, but the sheer thought of them showing up just freaks me out.  I plea with my friends and family to please call before they show up at the door.  I don’t even care if they call from the driveway!  Just please don’t ring my doorbell unannounced because of the anxiety it causes me.

Many people don’t see the side effects from being on the registry.  I certainly do.  I have.  I am part of that collateral damage.  Every place my family wants to go comes with a checklist.  We do a mental rundown of the legal restrictions to see if this is a place we can go.  Many of those family-oriented places are No-Gos. The restriction of not being able to attend church as a family is a tough one for me personally.  Two years ago the a NC Senator running for Attorney General pushed through a law that now restricts residents from attending church (with nursery/childcare facilities), a place where forgiveness, healing, and reform happen.  Not having my husband with me has been extremely difficult, to the point that I have sat in tears many a Sunday over it.

Animosity sometimes sets in with me.  I work really hard to overcome it, but sometimes I am bitter.  Is it fair to our child that his father can’t be there for him as he grows up?  Years and years of missing school plays, sports events, music concerts, and award recognitions. Is it fair that I am the person having to do all the leg work that my husband is restricted from – pediatrician visits, school conferences, drop-off/pick-up to school.  I feel like parents look at me with that, “Why is her husband never here” look?  That is the worst. Don’t get me wrong – I will do everything in the world for my child, but not having a partner to help keeps the responsibility completely on me at all times.

I have put up a wall.  I wear an invisible mask.  I keep people at arm’s length and hide parts of my life that I don’t want them to know.  Rarely do I let people get to know me beyond a surface level.  Listen up – I am not a stuck-up person.  I am just guarded.  I stand off to the side.  I don’t share personal information or volunteer things about myself.  I fear people knowing my family story.  I fear the questions they may ask, or worse – their biased opinions and judgement.   I am ultra-protective of my family to protect them from harm, gossip, and accusations.  So, yes, I shut down and only let a select few into my social circle.  I am very blessed to have friends who have been by my side, shared my hurts, and celebrated my victories.  However, the registry has put up these walls around me and caused me to become a more guarded person.

So here’s the thing.  I didn’t write this to scare you or depress you.  I wrote this because it is raw, true emotion for me.  Yet, with anything, there should be a maturing process along the way.  I have grown.  I am not the same person I was years ago.  Yes, a side of me is far more guarded, but I have also proven my strength.  My faith.  I have found who my true friends are.  I have found an ability to talk to people going through a really tough time in their lives because I have been there.  Accept where you are, then find the good in it.  Do not focus on the negative.  Do not crawl in a hole that you can’t crawl out of it.  The past is the past – and how you move forward is what matters.  You are not alone.

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.
Be a Change Agent…
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